Good on ya, Mum, and all that

Yes, it's time for another brazenly exploitative commercial event designed to prey on your guilt, empty your wallet and make you feel virtuous all at once. It's Mother's Day!

The cynic in me heaves with a Hallmark hurl at the endless shots of grinning women with flawless teeth either embracing their happy and well-adjusted children and husbands or draped across massage tables modestly holding towels over perky, post-baby breasts with slender, toned arms - no bingo wings or stretch marks here, folks!

These are, of course, mirror images of me and my perfect family and you can be sure that, on Sunday 14 May, my three adoring sons and partner will shower me with gifts and compliments and refuse to let me do anything but bathe in asses milk perfumed with rose petals.

But I do feel just a little bit uncomfortable about the craven moral manipulation for commercial gain involved in the contemporary Mother's Day celebration which, by the way, commemorates the work of Ann Jarvis, a remarkable American woman who devoted her life to the pursuit of peace and better public health. However, given that I live in the middle of a raging storm of feral, teenage testosterone with only three neurotic chickens and a vomiting female dog for support, I can also see the point in guilting everyone into making a fuss of me, even if it is only just for one day.

Also, why wouldn't we be excited about any excuse to cook up a big feast and drink loads of delicious wine?